I love books.

My friend Morgan Tagged me to do this...and it is fun.


One book that:
Changed my life- "The Jesus I Never Knew" This book unveiled the Jesus of the gospels for me rather than the Jesus of suburban evangelical Christianity. The Jesus of the gospels is not clean, is homeless, and loved the ones on the edges. I want to do social work because of this book.

Read more than once- "Traveling Mercies" by Anne Lammot. I can just pick this book up anytime and read it.

That I would want on a dessert Island: I have an "Annie Dillard Reader" that has a few of her books and short stories all in one book. Her writing is almost sacramental. It is ALWAYS beautiful.

That Made me Laugh- "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller though fairly profound underneath it all was often funny.

That Made you Cry- "The End of An Affiar by Graham Green. This is one of my favorite books of all time. But it is heart breaking.

That I wish I had written- "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer...I mean really..have you read the book? It challenges anyone with breath.

Book that I am currently reading: "The Complete Short Stories of Flannery O'Connor" This book makes for perfect bedside reading.

Book that I want to read: Anna Karenina...it's just so long...but i have heard that it is sooooo good.

I choose to do this:
Ashely Gill
Leah
Meredith H.
Pammy.

Just some thoughts.

Lately I have been thinking about what it truly looks like for humans to extend the grace of Christ to one another. I will first admit that I in no way come anywhere close to exhibiting even miniscule amount of the grace that Christ calls me to. I have alot of ideals but very rarely put them into practice.
In my Urban ministry class we discussed the concept of the "Worthy Poor". Those individuals who are doing all that they can for themselves but simply can't make ends meet, or the ones who are mentally unstable so clearly they could not help themselves. Those are the people that we logically help in our 'can-do' society. The other ones aren't even trying, so why should we extend our hand? Won't they just waste our time and money anyways? We don't want to foolishly spend our money on someone, we don't want to waste our time helping someone, when we could help another of a more worthy cause. But I wonder if as a Christ Follower if I should be foolish in the manner in which I extend grace? If someone asks for money, should I give it to them? I have more. What is $3 going to do? It seems to me less about the money and more about seeing that person...not ignoring their existance as a fellow human being. If a young woman needs a ride do I stop car? What if it isn't safe? If I have a mountain of homework, but a schizophrenic man wants to talk to me at the grocery store do I ward him off? He's not grounded in reality anyway.
I had a friend who let a homeless woman stay in her house for a while. After a few weeks, my friend returned home one day to find that she has been robbed by this woman to whom she had extended hospitatlity. I feel like I would want to respond by shutting my door and globalizing this woman's actions; "I should have known, they are all like this". But she didn't...her doors are still open. That is the kind of grace that I would like to extend. That is the kind of grace that Christ would have me extend. It is foolish and and if loves deeply. It depises favortism It continues to be life giving even as the hands of death grasp at it.

Semester 36 I think.

YAY for starting school tommorow!!! If anyone wants to make my day you could give me a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils.
I'm just saying.

I = Laguna Beach Fan.

Okay many of you already know but I will not confess publically: I love pop culture. And not cool music scene pop culture...but pop culture at its finest, complete with US weekly and photos of celebrities at the beach. Mainly among my love for pop culture is pop music. I have never been a music snob so I feel fine revealing this. I am not afriad to listen to Kelly Clarkson, Rhianna, Hillary Duff or Justin Timberlake. I actually like it. I turn it up. I may dance a bit....you just never know.
However my bent for pop culture has reached an all time high. Yesterday MTV aired a Laguna Beach Marathon. Two full seasons of Laguna Beach aired yesterday. I will say that my TV was tuned in all day. Sure I went to lay out...took a shower....checked my email....went to a b-day party...but in between any of those activies I was engrossed in the lives of Kristin, Talan, L.C. Jessica, Jason, Alex H. and a slew of others. I have seen all of these episodes at least 300 times...if not more. Yet I just kept watching! I have no idea why a 23 year old wanna be social worker/ seminary student enjoys watching the love lifes of priviliged, high school students. I mean really! I decided that part of it reminds me of my ridiculous friends from high school. Just add Texas twang, Trailors instead of 1 million dollar homes, and the Gap instead of Kitson and you have yourself Laguna Beach goes Small Town Texas. And the rest of the reason...I have no idea except that I find it so blasted entertaining. Jason is dating Alex M. will he go back to Jessica? Talan tells Taylor that he loves her then goes on a date with Kristen. Why is Alex H. the most laid back and fun, yet never has a boyfriend? Where are the answers to these questions?!

Songs for Life: Part 2

Sometimes I believe all the lies so I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed by whatever is on my mind
I hear it all depends on my faith so I'm feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries is they're so mysterious
And like a consumer I've been thinking if I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,Then I'd be secure
My faith is like shifting sand changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand so I stand on grace
I've begged you for some proof for my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand and lions resting lazily
A glimpse of your back-side glory and this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I've seen so much I explained it away
Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your graceIt'd been there all the time

I first heard this song some time in high school, when the 4o Acres cd came out. I liked it because the girl's voice sounded really pretty in it.
Two years ago I actually heard the song. It was a time in my life when I really experiencing alot of doubt in my spiritual journey. I had sat in my psychology of religion class and wondered if I was actually dispostioned to believe the way that do, due to upbrining and social standing. I sat back and thought of all of the significant spiritual experiences in my life and wondered if they were just a bad case of "group think". I sat in my theology class and heard that Adam and Eve might not be real people, but rather part of an allegorical account of creation. I remember feeling relieved and then wondering if it was bad that I felt that way. Suddenly this faith that I had in Jesus began to seem foolish. I struggled as many of the blocks of my well constucted Christianity were being toppled over. I found myself hurling questions at God, demanding some sort of proof or answer.
I sat with a friend in the dark one night on Baylor's campus after discussing my numerous frustrations with faith, the church, and Christianity. She challenged me to just throw it all away. "If it's that difficult and that foolish to you, then just don't do it anymore". I actually considered this. What would it be like to turn my back and just walk away? However, there was something inside of me holding on for dear life. I just can't shake this belief or this faith or this way of being. And I can only attribute that to God's grace.
I am a skeptic at heart. I am a critic. I always wonder what is behind the smoke and lights. What is the real substance? Some one might be a charasmatic preacher, but are they really saying anything? That worship music is good, but is it theologically sound? Are you lifting your hands just because everyone else is? I have to ask God daily for a more faith filled heart and a good dose of understanding. Faith is difficult for me. I find very little in the Christian life that I can hold securely onto 100% of the time. I often waver. But it is grace that stand on.
So I heard this song 2 years ago...and I found myself in tears. It was as if the song was written for me. I resonate so deeply with it. I beg for proof or explain it away. But I am always on a firm foundation.

A quote.

"Quite simply, our deep gratitude to Jesus is manifested neither in being chaste, honest, sober and respectable, nor in church going, bible toting, and Psalm singing, but in our deep and delicate respect for one another"
-Brennan Manning